Count Your Blessings and Be Selfish for the New Year

If you're going to make only one New Years resolution, commit to being more selfish in 2004. That's right, be more selfish. Selfish in a good way, of course.

Many of us are feeling overwhelmed, unappreciated, even depressed because we're not doing what's necessary to keep ourselves healthy and sane. Everyone from CEO's to stay-home-parents are experiencing the effects of "self-carelessness". A Good Housekeeping survey found that 90% of women don't have enough time for themselves and feel exhausted and frustrated. Men would probably agree. And we know that when we don't take care of ourselves, everybody pays the price.

We're living in a world where the defining line between work and home has blurred...emails, voice-mails, beepers, cell phones, everyone wants a piece of us, now. It's no wonder we're feeling unbalanced, scattered, and overcommited. A client spoke for many when she noted, "my life is full but it's not very fulfilling."

Being selfish in a good way means taking the time to renew and reconnect with what's important to you and making those things a priority. So important they actually show up on your calendar, regularly. These are the things that fill you up and energize you. It can often be as simple as taking a lunch break every day, scheduling downtime, and saying "no" more often.

So how do we make ourselves a priority when there are so many demands on us? Here are some ideas that may help:

1) Begin with the end in mind.

What do you really want? The idea of a new year is a new beginning, a clean slate and a fresh start. It's time to focus on who you want to be by the end of 2004. Try this assignment called "The Letter". In January, write a letter to a friend dated December 31, 2004 and start it with something like, "You won't believe what an incredible year I've had.....(then detail all of the great things that happened with your health, relationships, work, finances and whatever else seems important). In an envelope addressed your friend, enclose your letter in a sealed , self-addressed, stamped envelope. Then ask that it be sent back to you around Thanksgiving. It's amazing how this powerful exercise sets your intentions for your year.

2) Live your values .

What's really important to you? We're so consumed by our daily lives that we forget to look at the larger picture of who we are and what we need to be happy. When our values and actions are aligned, we experience a life that has meaning and fulfills some larger purpose. If good health is a core value, are you doing what's necessary to create it? Find a list of values; prioritize your top 10, and then narrow down to 5. The next time you have a decision to make, review your values and ask "how does this honor what I say is important?" Identifying your core values and designing your life around them brings enduring happiness.

3) Eliminate your tolerations .

What are you tolerating that takes your time and energy? When tolerations accumulate, energy is drained and we feel resentful, angry, unappreciated and exhausted. Is it the clutter in your closets, a dirty car, a disorganized desk, an unbalanced checkbook? It's a toleration when you overlook it time and again. It's what you put up with and are dragged down by. Identifying and eliminating those niggling little things that undermine us, gives us freedom to focus on what's important.

List 10 things you're currently tolerating. By becoming aware, you'll naturally begin to resolve and eliminate them.

•  Count Your Blessings

What are your life's assets? We spend lots of time thinking about what's not working in our lives. We want more, better, easier. Taking time to appreciate what you already have is humbling and softens your heart. Do you have family and friends who love you? A place to call home? Good health? As you practice daily gratitude, you'll feel hopeful and life will be easier.

List 25 things you're grateful for and add to it everyday.

As you're thinking about how you want your life to be different in the coming year, rather than drive yourself crazy with a long list of things to change, give yourself a break and pick one... be selfish , in a good way, and see what happens.

Sandra Wright is an Executive and Personal Coach living in Gig Harbor , WA . She coaches people who are experiencing the effects of "self-carelessness" and are ready for a change. Contact her at sandra@coachsandrawright.com or www.coachsandrawright.com.

Copy written by Sandra Wright of Wright Coaching & Consulting 12/05/03. All media and electronic rights reserved by Sandra Wright 12/03.